Welcome back to the Vomitorium.
If you are a classical gourmand whose stomach is grumbling for knowledge, but you lack the time for the full four-course banquet that is a standard Ad Navseam episode, you have come to the right place, Gurgle Episode 2.
In this “huggable portion” of podcasting—a “bite-sized” snack designed to tide you over between the main meals—hosts Dr. David Noe and Dr. Jeff Winkle return to the microphone. Broadcasting from their bunker, affectionately known as the “Vomitorium,” they are ready to tickle your taste buds with a quick but dense exploration of the ancient world.
While the Ad Navseam main feed covers everything from the Minoans to the Renaissance in hour-long deep dives, Gurgle is for the listener on the go. It’s for the commute, the quick coffee break, or the moments when you need just 15 minutes of Greco-Roman civilization to get through the day.
In this installment, the hosts take us to the heart of the Roman Empire to examine a crude, scratched drawing that tells a profound story about faith, bullying, and the social status of early Christians. The subject is the famous—and controversial—Alexamenos Graffito.
The Context: A Pairing with the Catacombs
Dr. Noe begins by setting the stage. This episode serves as a perfect companion piece to a previous Ad Navseam discussion featuring Dr. Ken Bratt on the Roman catacombs. While the catacombs give us a view of Christian life in death and burial, the Alexamenos Graffito gives us a view of Christian life in the rough-and-tumble of the schoolyard. It offers a glimpse into how Christians were perceived by their pagan neighbors—and specifically, how they were mocked.
The Discovery: 1857 on the Palatine Hill
To understand this artifact, we must first look at where it was found. The hosts take us back to 1857, during excavations on the Palatine Hill in Rome.
The Palatine was the Beverly Hills of ancient Rome—the site of imperial palaces and the homes of the ultra-wealthy. However, the archaeologists weren’t digging in a throne room. They were excavating a building known as the Paedagogium.
What was the Paedagogium? As Dr. Noe explains, this was essentially a boarding school for imperial page boys. These were young men, often from diverse backgrounds, who were being trained to serve in the imperial bureaucracy or the emperor’s household. Like any boarding school throughout history, it was a place of education, but also a place of social hierarchy, cliques, and, inevitably, bullying.
It was here, scratched into the plaster wall of a dormitory or classroom, that excavators found a piece of graffiti that has fascinated historians for over 150 years.
The Image: A Crude Caricature
The graffiti is not a masterpiece of Roman art. It is a rough sketch, likely carved hastily with a stylus or a sharp rock by a student making fun of a classmate.
The Visuals: Dr. Winkle describes the scene vividly. The central figure is a human body with the head of a donkey (or an ass). This figure is affixed to a cross, clearly depicting a crucifixion.
To the left of this crucified donkey-man stands another figure: a young man, depicted smaller than the cross. He has his hand raised in a specific gesture.
The Gesture: Dr. Noe notes that the young man is raising his hand in a gesture of adoration or worship. In the transcript, there is a brief mention of the term molaribus in relation to this gesture, though the hosts quickly move on to the clear meaning of the image: this is a scene of religious devotion. The boy is worshipping the figure on the cross.
The Slur: Onolatry (Donkey Worship)
Why a donkey? To modern eyes, a crucified donkey might seem surreal or random. However, Dr. Noe explains that this connects to a very specific and nasty anti-Christian (and anti-Jewish) slur common in the Roman world: Onolatry.
The Romans were baffled by the monotheism of the Jews and Christians. They could not understand a religion without statues or visible gods. In the vacuum of understanding, rumors flourished. One of the most persistent rumors was that these groups secretly worshipped a donkey’s head.
Tertullian’s Defense: Dr. Noe cites the church father Tertullian, a prolific Christian author from Carthage, who addressed this very accusation. In his work Ad Nationes (Book 1, Chapter 14), Tertullian explicitly mentions that Romans accuse Christians of being devoted to the “head of an ass” (asinus).
He writes about how pagans circulate pictures of a figure with donkey ears, dressed in a toga, holding a book, with a hoof. The Alexamenos Graffito is the “smoking gun”—archaeological proof that Tertullian wasn’t exaggerating. This was the meme of the day, a viral insult carved into stone to mock the “ridiculous” belief of a Christian classmate.
The Inscription: A Lesson in Greek Grammar (and Spelling)
Beneath the drawing, the bully scratched a caption in Greek. This in itself is a historical detail worth noting—Greek was often the language of the lower classes, slaves, and servants in Rome, fitting the demographic of the Paedagogium.
The inscription reads:
ΑΛΕΞΑΜΕΝΟΣ ΣΕΒΕΤΕ ΘΕΟΝ (Alexamenos sebete theon)
The Translation: The rough meaning is clear: “Alexamenos worships his god.” The bully is identifying the boy in the drawing (Alexamenos) and mocking his deity.
The Grammar Error:
However, Dr. Noe and Dr. Winkle don’t just stop at the translation. They put on their philologist hats to analyze the Greek itself, revealing that the bully wasn’t exactly the top student in the class.
Dr. Noe points out a distinct grammatical error in the verb ΣΕΒΕΤΕ (sebete).
- Morphology: The form sebete appears to be a plural verb (either imperative “Worship, you all!” or indicative “You all are worshipping”).
- Syntax Clash: The subject, Alexamenos, is a proper noun in the singular. A singular subject cannot take a plural verb. It’s like saying “Alexamenos worship his god” instead of “worships.”
The Phonetic Explanation: Dr. Noe offers a solution to this puzzle. He explains that the intended verb was almost certainly ΣΕΒΕΤΑΙ (sebetai), which is the correct third-person singular form (“He worships”).
The Twist: A Faithful Response
If the story ended there, it would be a sad artifact of ancient prejudice—a boy mocked by his peers for his faith. But Dr. Winkle reveals a fascinating “Part Two” to the story that is often left out of the history books.
In the very next room of the Paedagogium, archaeologists discovered a second inscription.
Crucially, this second inscription was written by a different hand. The handwriting does not match the bully’s scrawl. It is simpler, perhaps more resolute.
It reads, in Latin:
ALEXAMENOS FIDELIS
The Translation:
“Alexamenos is faithful.” (Or “Alexamenos the believer”).
The Interpretation:
The hosts discuss the powerful implications of this short phrase.
- Alexamenos Writing Back: It is possible that Alexamenos himself saw the mocking drawing, went into the next room, and carved his response. “You can mock my god as a donkey, but I am faithful.”
- A Friend’s Defense: Perhaps a friend of Alexamenos saw the bullying and wrote this as a testament to his character.
- Terminology: Dr. Noe notes that fidelis was a technical term Christians used to describe themselves. It wasn’t just a generic adjective; it was a badge of identity.
This second graffiti transforms the narrative. It changes Alexamenos from a passive victim of mockery into an active witness. In the face of social stigma and cruel satire, he (or his community) claimed the title of fidelis.
Conclusion: The Persistence of Faith
The Alexamenos Graffito is more than just a curiosity. It is a window into the reality of the early church. Before Christianity was the religion of the empire, it was the religion of the mocked. It was the religion of the “donkey god.”
Yet, as Dr. Winkle and Dr. Noe highlight, the final word didn’t belong to the bully. It belonged to the fidelis. The drawing of the donkey is now a museum piece, but the faith of Alexamenos survived the empire that mocked it.
We hope you enjoyed this Gurgle—a huggable portion of the classics to keep you going. If you are hungry for more, be sure to check out the full library of Ad Navseam episodes.
Sponsors:
Before we go, we must thank the sponsors who make the Ad Navseam network possible.
- Ratio Coffee: For the perfect brew, visit Ratio Coffee and use code ANCO5J for 15% off the Ratio 8.
- Hackett Publishing: For affordable, high-quality classics, use code AN2022 for 20% off and free shipping.
- Pop City Popcorn: Our newest sponsor from Kalamazoo! Use code ANPOP20 for 20% off your first order of delicious popcorn.
- The Moss Method: If this episode inspired you to learn why sebete and sebetai are different, check out the Moss Method for learning Greek.
Music: Special thanks to Ken Tamplin for the intro and outro music, fittingly titled “Death by Inches”.
Valete!
