Meta Description: Join Dr. Jeff Winkle and Dr. David Noe in Ad Navseam Episode 209 as they broadcast live from the Michigan Junior Classical League! Dive into Ovid’s Metamorphoses, explore the tragic love triangle of the Cyclops Polyphemus, and hear brilliant classical questions from an audience of young scholars. Plus, the truth about the Michigan State mascot and the danger of “ferning.”
Introduction: The Live Show and the Academia Doppelgangers
Welcome back, classical gourmands, to a milestone event: Episode 209 of the Ad Navseam Podcast! For the first time in the show’s history, your hosts, Dr. David Noe and Dr. Jeff Winkle, have emerged from the safety of the subterranean Vomitorium to broadcast in front of a completely live audience.
Broadcasting on a frigid January Saturday from the campus of Michigan State University in Lansing, the hosts are serving as the keynote speakers for the Michigan Junior Classical League (MJCL) conference. The audience is packed with hundreds of enthusiastic, hyper-intelligent 6th through 12th graders from all across the Mitten State who have gathered to celebrate their love for the classics and the Latin language.
Before diving into the epic poetry, the hosts handle a bit of housekeeping. They are giving away a beautiful edition of the complete works of Aristotle translated by C.D.C. Reeve and Pavlos Kontos (published by Hackett). Listeners simply need to email Dave with the secret password “Kontos” in the subject line to enter.
This leads to a troubling revelation about the academic networking site, Academia.edu. Both hosts have been receiving persistent emails confusing them with entirely different, highly specialized scholars. Dr. Noe routinely gets emails congratulating him on brilliant, prolific geological articles with titles like “Heaving Bedrock Hazards, Mitigation and Land Use Policy, Front Range, Piedmont, Colorado,” written by a different David C. Noe. Meanwhile, Dr. Winkle is constantly asked if he is the Jeffrey T. Winkle who wrote a definitive, highly specific article on the manufacture of paper towels. The hosts joke that they need to track down their doppelgangers for a crossover podcast combining rocks and paper.
The Spartan Mascot Beef and the Bundle of Sticks
Being on the campus of Michigan State, Dr. Winkle (a proud Northwestern Wildcat) cannot resist picking a pedantic, deeply nerdy bone with the local university. He points out a glaring historical inaccuracy regarding the beloved Michigan State mascot, “Sparty”.
If the team is the “Spartans,” the mascot should realistically be dressed like an ancient Greek Spartan warrior—which historically involved very little clothing and specific Greek armor. Instead, to keep things “family-friendly,” the university inexplicably dressed Sparty in the garb of a Roman legionnaire, an aesthetic choice that deeply offends Dr. Winkle’s classical sensibilities.
Returning to the scholarly matter at hand, the hosts unpack the official theme of the MJCL conference: Concordia Parvae Crescunt (With harmony, small things grow). Dr. Noe illustrates this theme using a fable from Aesop: a father shows his sons that a single stick is easily snapped, but a bundle of sticks tied together in harmony is unbreakable.
However, because this is Ad Navseam, the hosts decide to spend their keynote address exploring the exact opposite of this theme. They delve into a horrific, cautionary anti-type from Book 13 of Ovid’s Metamorphoses, demonstrating exactly what happens when harmony completely breaks down.
The Cyclops Knowledge Drop
The story in question involves one of the most famous, terrifying, and beloved monsters in all of Greek mythology: the Cyclops.
Taking full advantage of the live venue, Dr. Noe and Dr. Winkle invite the middle and high school students to step up to the microphone and share what they know about the Cyclops. The young scholars absolutely deliver, earning themselves exclusive Ad Navseam stickers:
- Theo and Hunter (DCDS): Pointed out that the monster is massive and defined by having only one, single, giant eye.
- William (U of D Jesuit): Astutely noted that the Cyclops (Polyphemus) had his eye gouged out by Odysseus, prompting the monster to hurl a devastating curse that derailed the hero’s journey back to Ithaca.
- Mariah (Trinitas): Highlighted the tragic biology of the monster: as a son of the sea god Poseidon, Polyphemus is immortal. Therefore, when Odysseus blinded him, it didn’t kill him; it merely condemned him to an eternity of painful suffering in the dark.
- Evelyn (Mercy High School): Perfectly set up the day’s text by noting that long before the events of the Odyssey, the Cyclops was famously, hopelessly in love with a beautiful sea nymph.
The Ovidian Love Triangle and the Metamorphosis of Acis
The hosts plunge into Ovid’s masterful Latin language to explore this disastrous love triangle.
The story is set on the island of Sicily, right under the shadow of the trembling Mount Etna. The monstrous Polyphemus is desperately trying to woo the beautiful sea nymph, Galatea, by playing terrible music on his pan pipes. However, Galatea is already in love with a handsome, mortal young shepherd named Acis (whom Dr. Winkle dubs a “gym bro”).
The harmony is shattered when the hulking Cyclops stumbles upon Acis and Galatea embracing in the woods. Roaring with a voice that makes the volcano shake, Polyphemus goes into a jealous rage. Galatea immediately panics and dives to safety in the sea, abandoning her mortal boyfriend. Acis turns to flee, begging the gods for help, but it is too late.
Polyphemus rips a massive rock from the top of the mountain and hurls it. Because he only has one eye, his depth perception is terrible, but the sheer size of the rock makes up for his lack of accuracy. The rock grazes Acis but still completely flattens him, burying the boy.
As crimson blood seeps from beneath the stone, Galatea uses her divine magic to enact a metamorphosis. The blood slowly runs clear, the rock splits open, and Acis emerges transformed—he is now a blue-faced, immortal river god.
The Debate: Happy Ending or Tragic Liminality?
Does this horrific story actually have a happy ending? The hosts fiercely debate the outcome.
Dr. Noe takes the optimistic route: Acis was upgraded. He went from being a mortal, fragile human to becoming an immortal, powerful river deity. In the classical worldview, achieving divinity is always the ultimate win.
Dr. Winkle, however, strongly disagrees. He argues that in Greek mythology, immortality is often a hollow curse. The story proves that gods and mortals are fundamentally incompatible. Furthermore, the story is a tragedy of “liminality” (a state of in-betweenness). Polyphemus is a tragic, liminal figure—he is not human enough to be accepted by society, but he is not divine enough to do anything beautiful like Apollo. He is stuck in the middle, and his inability to control his passion (eros) leads to pure destruction. The moral of the story? Control your passions, and stay in your lane.
The Live Q&A: Questions from the Next Generation
The highlight of the episode is the live Q&A, where the MJCL students prove that the future of classical studies is incredibly bright.
- Mattheus (Brother Rice) asks a profound question: Should we have pity for Polyphemus? Dr. Winkle says yes—anyone who has suffered the sting of romantic rejection can sympathize with the monster’s pain. Dr. Noe says absolutely not—he is a cannibalistic monster who deserves no quarter.
- Emily (Ivywood) asks for the best translation recommendations for the epics. The hosts highly recommend Stanley Lombardo, Richmond Lattimore, and Robert Fagles for Homer, Robert Fitzgerald for the Aeneid, and Allen Mandelbaum for Ovid’s Metamorphoses.
- Nathan (U of D Jesuit) challenges the traditional narrative: Why is Polyphemus the bad guy when Odysseus broke into his cave and stole his cheese? Dr. Winkle loves this take, noting that Odysseus completely violates the sacred rules of xenia (hospitality) by acting as an aggressive burglar long before the Cyclops retaliates.
- Sachin (DCDS Middle) delivers the pop-culture synthesis of the year: Polyphemus is just a larger, unaccepted version of Mike Wazowski from Monsters Inc., who simply never found his Sully.
- Elisa (Ivywood) asks the hosts to name their favorite deity. Both Dr. Noe and Dr. Winkle enthusiastically select Hermes. They love his cleverness (metis), his humor, and the fascinating contradiction that even the most morally debased thieves pray devoutly to him for protection.
Sponsors: Fuel for the Classical Renaissance
To keep the microphone hot and the bunker running, the hosts thank the sponsors that make Ad Navseam possible:
- Ratio Coffee: Quoting a glowing review from Tom’s Guide, Dr. Winkle highlights the Ratio 4—the automated pour-over machine that will excite even the most fastidious coffee shop hipster. Go to ratiocoffee.com/adnauseam and use code ANRATIO2026 for $20 off any machine.
- Della Chelpka Art: Looking for art that speaks to your story? Della is a Tucson-based oil painter whose breathtaking work has been featured in children’s books and galleries. Visit dellachelpka.art and use code Apelles (the famous ancient painter!) for 10% off your order.
- Hackett Publishing: The absolute gold standard for classical translations (including the new Aristotle collection!) Visit hackettpublishing.com and use code AN2026 for 20% off and free shipping.
- The Moss Method & Latin Per Diem: Want to read Ovid in the original text? Go to latinperdiem.com and use code 10PLUS for 10% off Dr. Noe’s ancient Greek and Latin language courses.
The Gustatory Parting Shot
Before the live audience is released back into the wild, Dr. Noe delivers a highly specific Gustatory Parting Shot from Oliver Sacks’ Oaxaca Journal. Sacks was visiting Mexico to partake in “ferning” (the intense hobby of tracking and cataloging rare ferns).
“Having ferned for an hour, we take a break for our lunch, and I eat, unwisely, quite an enormous meal.”As the hosts wisely note: a massive lunch and intense ferning simply do not mix. Valete!
