Meta Description: Join Dr. Jeff Winkle and Dr. David Noe in Ad Navseam Episode 214 as they explore the cheeky poetry of Catullus, ancient rap battles, and resources to master the Latin language.
Introduction: Spring Weather and the Athenian Agora
Welcome back, classical gourmands, to Episode 214 of the Ad Navseam Podcast! Broadcasting directly from the subterranean depths of the bunker, your hosts, Dr. David Noe and Dr. Jeff Winkle, return to the microphones for another delectable discussion of Greco-Roman civilization.
Basking in a record-breaking 55-degree Michigan day, the hosts celebrate the unseasonable warmth as a welcome reprieve from the typical Midwestern freeze. Following the conclusion of spring break, Jeff shares that his Greco-Roman archaeology students are highly engaged. He recently took them on a virtual tour of the Athenian Agora, exploring his absolute favorite ancient colonnades: the Stoa of Attalos, the Stoa Poikile, and the Royal Stoa. To bring these ruined structures back to life for his classroom, Jeff utilizes massive digital reconstructions, highlighting the surprisingly accurate architectural renderings found in the popular video game Assassin’s Creed Odyssey.
Housekeeping: Giveaways and Indestructible Slipcovers
Before diving into the world of Latin poetry, the hosts address a time-sensitive giveaway. Hackett Publishing generously provided a beautiful two-volume set of Aristotle’s collected works to give away to one lucky podcast listener. To successfully enter the drawing, listeners must send an email with a highly specific code word placed directly in the subject line.
For the required code word, the name of the edition’s co-editor—Pavlos Kontos—was deliberately selected to challenge the listeners. While familiar with the prominent Platonist and primary co-editor C.D.C. Reeve, Dr. Noe frankly admits to constantly struggling to remember Kontos’s name when discussing the books. Forcing the entire audience to type “KONTOS” serves as a clever, repetitive memory trick to finally cement the scholar’s identity in his own mind. Since the Hackett volumes unfortunately lack a protective slipcover, the eventual winner receives a humorous warning that they might need to craft their own out of plastic canvas and yarn. This prompts an amusing, nostalgic reflection on how a beloved grandmother once fabricated completely indestructible carrying cases to protect heavy Greek lexica during graduate school.
The One Gentleman of Verona
The primary academic focus of Episode 214 centers on the magnificent golden age Roman poet, Gaius Valerius Catullus. Having previously explored Catullus’s tragic, heartbreaking poem 101 regarding the untimely death of his brother, the hosts pivot back to the very beginning of the poet’s catalog to examine his cheeky humor, sharp sarcasm, and biting invective.
Catullus was born in Verona around 84 BC and died incredibly young, tragically disappearing from the historical record around 54 BC. He relocated to Rome as an aspiring young poet, eagerly hobnobbing with the political and cultural elites of the era, including Julius Caesar. He carried on a turbulent, passionate affair with a woman he referred to as “Lesbia,” a pseudonym specifically chosen to honor the archaic Greek poetess Sappho of Lesbos. Scholars widely believe Lesbia was actually Clodia Metelli, the sister of Cicero’s fierce political rival.
The sheer survival of Catullus’s poetry is a historical miracle that continually amazes classicists. His entire corpus of 116 poems survived antiquity via a single, fragile manuscript miraculously discovered in his hometown of Verona between 1300 and 1305. This vital text briefly re-emerged into the public eye, completely vanished again by the late 14th century, and was fortunately copied just in time to preserve his literary legacy for the modern era.
The Neoterics: The Punk Rockers of Antiquity
Catullus was a leading figure in the neoteroi, a highly influential, disruptive group of poets that Cicero derisively nicknamed “the younger set” or “upstarts”. Heavily influenced by the Alexandrian poet Callimachus, the neoterics fiercely rejected the bloated, massive historical epics so heavily favored by older generations. Instead, they focused intently on crafting short, densely packed, highly polished poems featuring obscure mythological allusions.
Jeff brilliantly compares the neoteric movement to the sudden, explosive rise of 1970s punk rock. Just as fast-paced punk bands like the Ramones deliberately rebelled against convoluted, eighteen-minute progressive rock anthems, Catullus and his peers rebelled against traditional Roman epics by writing short, punchy, aggressive verses. However, the cultural analogy falls slightly apart regarding actual technical execution. While punk rockers rarely obsess over achieving flawless musical precision, the neoterics dedicated immense, painstaking time to the labor limae (the work of the pumice stone), constantly erasing, editing, and polishing their lines until they achieved absolute metrical perfection.
Poem 1: Pumice Stones and Sarcastic Dedications
To directly demonstrate this polished style, the podcast reads the Latin text of Catullus’s very first poem. The verse utilizes the hendecasyllabic meter, an awkward but perky 11-syllable rhythm heavily favored by the neoteric poets for their witty squibs.
The poem acts as a formal dedication addressed to the historian Cornelius Nepos. Utilizing Peter Green’s vibrant, contemporary translation, the hosts dissect Catullus’s heavy use of literary self-deprecation. Catullus refers to his own work as mere nugas (trifles) while simultaneously praising his poetry as lepidum (charming and smooth) and expolitum (freshly polished with dry pumice).
The dedication is dripping with thinly veiled sarcastic tension. While handing over his tiny, highly refined booklet, Catullus mockingly praises Nepos for daring to write a massive, three-volume history of the world. Catullus labels Nepos’s exhaustive historical volumes as laboriosis (laborious and tedious), subtly weaponizing the dedication to elevate his own brief, punchy neoteric style over traditional, bloated historical writing.
Poem 13: Cobwebs and One Big Nose
The conversation then pivots (yes, you heard right) to Poem 13, a hilarious, highly unconventional dinner invitation directly addressed to a friend named Fabullus. Catullus enthusiastically promises Fabullus a wonderful dining experience at his home, provided the guest brings literally everything required to host the party.
Catullus demands that Fabullus supply the lavish food, the wine, the beautiful girls, and all the entertaining stories. Catullus justifies this outrageous request by shamelessly admitting his own wallet is completely empty, holding nothing but a family of spider’s cobwebs (aranearum).
In exchange for funding the entire banquet out of pocket, Catullus promises to provide a singular, magnificent gift: a fancy bottle of perfume. Amplifying the comedic absurdity, Catullus openly admits he didn’t even purchase the perfume himself. It is a heavily re-gifted item originally given to his girlfriend by the Venuses and Cupids, making it a shameless third-level regift. Catullus promises that the scent is so utterly intoxicating that once Fabullus takes a single whiff, he will beg the gods to transform his entire body into one giant nose (totum… nasum). The poem brilliantly delays the punchline until the final word, painting a ridiculous mental image of a giant disembodied nose wandering around on tiny feet.
Poem 14: Saturnalia Pranks and Terrible Poets
The final selection, Poem 14, is addressed to Catullus’s fellow neoteric poet and close friend, Calvus (whose name translates to “Baldy”). Calvus has played a terrible Saturnalia prank on Catullus, sending him a curated collection of absolutely horrendous, unreadable poetry.
Catullus laments the ghastly gift and asks what terrible sins he committed to deserve being “finished off” by such rotten writers. Refusing to let the prank go unanswered, Catullus swears brutal vengeance. He promises that at first light, he will march straight down to the local bookseller stalls, purchase the works of every single terrible poet in Rome, and mail the literary “poison” directly back to Calvus as a counter-dose of torture.
This poetic exchange heavily resembles a modern rap battle, where rival artists trade deeply personal, highly public insults to demonstrate their lyrical supremacy. Catullus wastes no time dismissin the literary hacks as pessimi poetae (appalling poets), brilliantly utilizing a metrical pun regarding their “bad feet” to simultaneously mock their terrible poetic meter and tell them to physically walk away.
Sponsors: Fueling the Classical Renaissance
Before sharing the parting shot, the hosts extend their gratitude to the phenomenal sponsors keeping the bunker fully operational.
- Hackett Publishing: For over 54 years, Hackett Publishing has produced highly accessible, erudite translations. Build your own library at hackettpublishing.com and use the code AN2026 to receive a 20% discount and free shipping on your entire order.
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- Latin Per Diem: For listeners inspired to master the Latin language and ancient Greek, Dave offers the perfect educational solution. Visit latinperdiem.com and use the code 10PLUS for a 10% discount on any language course.
The Gustatory Parting Shot
To officially close out Episode 214, Jeff delivers a hilarious, highly aggressive Gustatory Parting Shot courtesy of a 1996 punk rock song.
Appropriately selecting a track titled “Punk’s Rock” by the band P.O.D., Jeff recites the emotionally charged, deeply profound lyrics:
“I want my french fries, give me my french fries, don’t forget my ketchup. Oh, where’s my ketchup? French fries, ketchup, french fries, give me my ketchup.”
The hosts marvel at the lyrical beauty, noting the dramatic inclusion of the word “Oh” anchors the entire emotional weight of the singer’s desperate condiment request.A special thanks goes out to Mishka the sound engineer, and to Jeff Scheetz for providing the blistering “Thrillseeker” and “Rush Hour” guitar riffs that perfectly bookend the academic lectures. Check out the “Lurch with Merch” section on the website, beware of bad poets, and keep taking in the classics. Valete!
