Meta Description: Join Dr. Jeff Winkle and Dr. David Noe in Ad Navseam Episode 85 as they cross the threshold into Book II of Vergil’s Aeneid. Explore the deception of the Trojan Horse, the tragic warnings of Laocoon, and the devious lies of the Greek spy Sinon. Plus, a lesson on the Latin language of unspeakable grief, a brilliant Yes, Minister comedy clip, and why you can’t “relish in” bad grammar.
Introduction: Insouciance in the Vomitorium
Welcome back to the “Vomitorium,” listeners! It is Episode 85 of the Ad Navseam Podcast, and the hosts are broadcasting on a late, late morning from Vomitorium East, right next to the lake. The humidity has finally dropped following a rainstorm, leaving the studio so perfectly quiet that, as Dr. David Noe used to joke in his silent classrooms, “you could hear a grade drop”.
The hosts note a distinct lack of listener shout-outs today, assuming the audience simply doesn’t want to be recognized for the “accomplishment” of wading through their banter. Dr. Noe admits that unlike the quiet listeners, he was a rather obnoxious student—full of “vociferous insouciance”—which once prompted a philosophy professor to hurl a piece of chalk directly at his head . Fortunately for the podcast, the chalk did not completely knock the love of the Latin language out of him.
The Opening Quote: The Perversion of Sacrifice
To set the thematic tone for Book II of the Aeneid, Dr. Winkle brings an opening quote from a brilliant article by Rebecca Smith in the American Journal of Philology, titled “Deception and Sacrifice in the Aeneid Book II”. Smith argues that the episodes of the Greek spy Sinon and the Trojan priest Laocoon represent a “systematic perversion of religious sacrifice”.
“Nowhere is the goal, execution, or outcome of ritual sacrifice what it ought to be. And while sacrifice is prompted by unholy human ends… human awareness throughout the episode is both prominently at issue and helplessly deceived.”
Dr. Noe finds this incredibly insightful. The Greeks use the language and ritual of holy sacrifice to execute a deceitful military trap, twisting human worship toward unsavory ends and resulting in a horrific portent from the gods. It highlights Vergil’s portrayal of Greek treachery as a deep moral failing.
Wrapping Up Book I: The Trojan Android and The Endless Empire
Before plunging into the destruction of Troy, the hosts tie off the remaining threads of Book I. Aeneas, wrapped in a divine mist by his mother Venus, enters Carthage unseen. He watches the Carthaginians building their city, prompting his melancholy observation: “Happy are those whose walls are already rising”.
When the mist finally clears, Venus ensures Aeneas makes a spectacular entrance. She breathes the “radiance of youth” upon him, giving his eyes a luster like “hand-rubbed ivory” or “silver set in gold”. It is the ancient equivalent of an Instagram filter, applied by the goddess of beauty herself. However, Venus isn’t just relying on Aeneas’s good looks to win over Queen Dido. Fearing that the Carthaginian-loving goddess Juno will incite the locals against the Trojans, Venus hatches a deeply manipulative plan. She spirits away Aeneas’s young son, Ascanius (Iulus), hiding him in one of her “safe houses” on Cyprus or Crete. In his place, she sends her own son, Cupid (Amor), disguised as the boy—a veritable “Trojan android”—to sit on Dido’s lap and subtly infect her with romantic passion.
Dr. Noe notes how this plays into Roman cultural values: Venus is offering Dido a ready-made family, bypassing the “wicked stepmother” trope (which Juno embodies) and ensuring Dido will love both the father and the son.
The hosts also touch on Jupiter’s grand prophecy to Venus in Book I, where the King of the Gods promises the Romans imperium sine fine (empire without limit). This concept intoxicated the Roman psyche for centuries. Dr. Noe points out that St. Augustine was thoroughly haunted by this exact line when the supposedly eternal city of Rome was sacked by the Visigoths in 410 AD, prompting him to write The City of God as a way to reconcile the collapse of the Roman dream.
Book II Begins: Unspeakable Grief and Grammar Gripes
Book II opens at the Carthaginian banquet. Aeneas, seated in a place of honor (toro ab alto—from his high couch), is asked by Dido to recount the fall of Troy. His first word is Infandum.
Infandum, regina, iubes renovare dolorem. (“Unspeakable grief, Queen, you bid me to renew.”)
Dr. Winkle points out a massive character difference here between Aeneas and Homer’s Odysseus. If Odysseus were asked to tell his tale, he would feign reluctance while secretly loving the sound of his own voice. Aeneas, however, genuinely dreads reopening these psychological wounds.
Aeneas does not, as Dr. Noe vehemently clarifies, “relish in” telling the story. This sparks a grammar rant from Dr. Noe regarding a recent Wall Street Journal article where a subject was quoted saying, “I really relish in that sport” . You cannot “relish in” something; it requires a direct object. You relish the story, or you garnish the plate—you do not garnish in something.
The Trojan Horse and “Troyojete”
Aeneas begins his flashback. The Greeks, unable to breach Troy by force, resort to trickery. They build a massive wooden horse, leave it on the beach, and hide their fleet behind the nearby island of Tenedos . The Trojans are baffled by the structure. Enter Laocoon, the Trojan priest of Neptune. He comes running down from the citadel, furiously warning his people that this is an obvious trap . He utters one of the most enduring lines in Western literature:
Timeo Danaos et dona ferentes. (“I fear the Greeks even when they bring gifts.”)
To prove his point, Laocoon hurls a spear into the side of the horse. The spear sticks and violently quivers, sending a hollow, echoing boom through the wood . As Dr. Noe notes from his “vast experience” throwing spears at wooden horses, a solid horse would just yield a dull thud; the vibration proves it is an empty vessel hiding a threat.
Yet, the Trojans ignore him. They are blinded by the gods . Dr. Winkle coins a brilliant portmanteau for this specific brand of simple, rustic, overly-trusting innocence: “Troyojete” (Trojan + naivete).
Pop Culture: Yes, Minister and the Greek Tag
To illustrate the enduring legacy of Laocoon’s warning, Dr. Noe shares an audio clip from the brilliant 1980s British comedy, Yes, Minister. In the clip, the characters debate the phrase “Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.” The pedantic bureaucrat Humphrey corrects the Minister, pointing out that the Trojans received the horse, making it technically a Greek horse, not a Trojan one. Furthermore, Humphrey expertly breaks down why Timeo Danaos is a Latin tag, not a Greek one, hilariously analyzing the accusative plural “-os” ending of Danaos . The hosts applaud the show’s writers (who held first-class honors in classics from Cambridge) for demanding a high level of erudition from their audience instead of dumbing down the comedy.
Sinon the Spy and the Perversion of Xenia
Because the Greeks are incredibly shrewd, they have a backup plan in case the horse alone doesn’t work: an actor and spy named Sinon. Sinon allows himself to be captured by the Trojans, appearing bedraggled with his hands tied behind his back. He tells a massive, theatrical lie, claiming that the Greeks were told by an oracle they needed a human sacrifice to safely sail home (just as they sacrificed Iphigenia to get to Troy). Sinon claims the villainous Odysseus framed him to be the victim, but he broke his bonds and hid in a muddy swamp.
Sinon plays the Trojans perfectly. He uses the principle of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend,” knowing the Trojans hate Odysseus just as much as he supposedly does. By throwing himself on their mercy, he completely perverts the sacred Greek and Roman concept of xenia (guest-friendship and hospitality).
Aeneas’s bitterness over this deception is palpable. He tells Dido:
Crimine ab uno disce omnes. (“From one crime, learn all of them.”)
It is a moment of blatant ethnic profiling against the Greeks. Aeneas views this singular act of treacherous, backdoor dealing as the defining characteristic of the entire Greek race.
Sponsors: Popcorn, Books, and Brews
Before we find out what happens to Laocoon, the hosts thank the sponsors that make the A.N. life possible:
- Ratio Coffee: Dr. Winkle is ecstatic to report the arrival of his brand new Ratio 8 coffee maker. With its stainless steel body and walnut accents, his son immediately dubbed it “The Millennium Falcon”. Capable of performing the Kessel Run of brewing with a perfect “bloom” phase, you can get 15% off at ratiocoffee.com using the code ANCO89.
- Hackett Publishing: Celebrating 50 years of brilliant translations. They publish the fantastic Lombardo translation of the Aeneid, notably featuring the Vietnam War Memorial on the cover to echo the poem’s themes of martial loss. Get 20% off and free shipping at hackettpublishing.com with code AN2022.
- Pop City Popcorn: Based in Kalamazoo, Michigan, this new sponsor blew the hosts away with their authenticity. Unlike grocery store brands that use cellulose (literal sawdust) as an anti-caking agent, Pop City uses real, grated Parmesan cheese. From Bacon Cheddar to Dill Pickle and Butter Rum Caramel, they have it all. Visit popcitypopcorn.com and use code ANPOP20 for 20% off your first order.
- Moss Method & LLPSI: Want to read the original text? Dr. Noe’s Lingua Latina Per Se Illustrata course is $199 at latinperdiem.com/llpsi. Or, learn ancient Greek from “neophyte to erudite” with the Moss Method before the price goes up to $325 on June 1st at mossmethod.com.
The Gustatory Parting Shot
With the clock running down, the hosts promise to tackle the grisly death of Laocoon and the famous Vatican statue group in the next episode . To tide us over, Dr. Noe offers a Gustatory Parting Shot from Sunday Adelaja:
“God did not just create you to be a nice person and eat hamburgers until you die.”
Though, as Dr. Winkle admits, eating hamburgers until the end doesn’t sound like the worst fate imaginable.
Valete!
Resources for the Classical Learner:LatinPerDiem: Ready to master the grammar behind Timeo Danaos? Start your journey into the Latin language today at latinperdiem.com/llpsi.
