Meta Description: Join Dr. David Noe and Dr. Jeff Winkle as they explore the life of Lactantius. Discover why this North African rhetorician is called the “Christian Cicero,” his role in the court of Constantine, and why his mastery of the Latin language rivals the greats.

Introduction: A “Trackish Bang” in the Vomitorium

Welcome back to the “Vomitorium South,” listeners! In Episode 174 of the Ad Navseam Podcast, hosts Dr. David Noe and Dr. Jeff Winkle are hunkered down in the bunker—formerly a nuclear fallout shelter, now a sanctuary for classical gourmands.

The episode begins with a cautionary tale about the dangers of bad coffee. Dr. Noe recounts a harrowing (and fictional) tale of driving while distracted by a bitter, “sledgey” cup of store-bought coffee. The result? A collision at a railroad crossing. The moral of the story? If he had used his Ratio machine, he wouldn’t have suffered such a “trackish bang” (spoonerism on brackish tang—get it?)

Once the puns are exhausted and the hosts have dodged the “Hyperspace” Star Wars fan club (who are apparently angry about Dr. Winkle’s casual behavior on the Tatooine movie sets), they turn their attention to the main topic: Lactantius, the man known for his “milky eloquence”.

Who is the Milkman?

Lucius Caecilius Firmianus Lactantius (c. 250 – c. 325 AD) is a figure who bridges the gap between the pagan Roman Empire and the rising Christian world.

Born in North Africa, likely of Berber or Punic descent, Lactantius hailed from a region that was an intellectual powerhouse of the Latin language. As the hosts note, North Africa produced a staggering number of literary giants, including Apuleius, Tertullian, Minucius Felix, Arnobius, and Augustine.

While some have tried to claim him as Italian due to the name Firmianus (linking him to the city of Firmum), modern scholarship firmly places his origins in Africa, potentially identifying him with a dark-eyed figure in a North African mosaic.

The “Christian Cicero” and Latin Mastery

Why should a student of the Latin language care about Lactantius? Because he is widely considered the “Christian Cicero.”

Dr. Noe shares a famous quote from the Renaissance scholar Pico della Mirandola, who marveled at Lactantius’s style. Pico wrote that Lactantius expressed Cicero ad lineam unguem—”down to the line of the fingernail” (or, to a T).

Quis enim non advertit Lactantium Firmianum aequasse ipsum et forte praecelluisse in eloquendo.

“For who has not noticed that Firmianus Lactantius has equaled him [Cicero] and perhaps even surpassed him in eloquence?”

Unlike his teacher Arnobius, whose style could be excessive, Lactantius wrote with a calm, engaging reasoning and large, well-articulated periods1. He represents the gold standard of Late Antique Latinity.

The Imperial Rhetor and the Tutor

Lactantius’s mastery of the Latin language earned him the role of Imperial Rhetor in Nicomedia under the Emperor Diocletian. This was the pinnacle of an academic career, akin to being the press secretary for the White House or the president of Harvard.

However, when Diocletian’s persecution of Christians began, Lactantius—who had converted to the faith—lost his position and went into hiding.

His story doesn’t end there. When Constantine rose to power, he summoned the elderly Lactantius to Trier (in modern France) to serve as the tutor for his son, Crispus. Constantine hoped to groom Crispus into a “Philosopher King”. Tragically, this experiment failed; court intrigue led Constantine to execute both Crispus and his wife Fausta, leaving Lactantius’s final years shrouded in mystery.

The Works of Lactantius

Despite the tragedy of his later years, Lactantius left behind a significant body of work that is essential for understanding the Latin language and Christian history:

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Gustatory Parting Shot

Dr. Noe wraps up the episode with a quote from the inimitable Italian actress, Sophia Loren:

“Spaghetti can be eaten most successfully if you inhale it like a vacuum cleaner.”

Valete! (And don’t be Lactantius Intolerant!)26.

Resources for the Latin Learner

Discount: Use code 10PLUS for 10% off at latinperdiem.com.

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